Welcome.

9 months ago I left work
8 months ago I was forced into awakening with an epiphany
7 months ago I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD
6 months ago my mom died
5 months ago I knew I wanted to write (more like 35 years and 5 months)
4 months ago I knew I wasn't going back to teaching

The final countdown of months 3, 2, and 1 contained far less shocking revelations and experiences.  The summer months were a mix of beauty and chaos. With Zane and I being teachers, we have enjoyed the break from school each year with the whole family. In the background, there was a wobble of uncertainty. Between the sunshine, mercury retrograde and a four-year-old that never seemed to stop talking, there just wasn't a chance to get stuck in fear. I didn't know what this year would hold for me, but I fell in love with the sense of calm I felt when I was writing and focusing solely on healing and getting to know myself again.

I couldn't have predicted the intense upheaval and work that would be waiting for me once everyone was back in school. I had time to reflect, to process the previous months and the onslaught of self-discovery. There was a phase where I felt as if my entire life story was a lie. I couldn't count on some of the things that had been constant or reliable. I left work under one set of circumstances but soon realized that the real reasons for struggling with work were more complicated. The beginning of my awakening was jarring and I was not sure of the truths all around me. Then, my ADHD diagnosis felt gratifying and explained so much, but after the dust settled, I began to question everything I ever thought, did, experienced and believed.

And then. Then, the final punch in the gut was not having my mom around.

I'm still in this season of questions, of revelations. The unfolding of events this past year feels so precise and orchestrated, and they continue to present themselves. I could never have imagined that in losing so much of my core understanding of the reality around me I would gain magical and mysterious experiences. These little gifts have strengthened my awareness of a universe so beautiful and curious that I feel an amazing sense of serene anticipation most days. Other days I swear and cry and stomp my feet, but those days are getting fewer and farther between :)